Hard to Explain
by moraco
Summary: Sirius had done something very bad....another one of my lovely Remus and Sirius fics. *COMPLETE*
1. The Incident

A/N:  I'm back with another Remus and Sirius fic.  Go me!   There's gonna be some slight James and Lily floating about in the story as well but that's just cause I can't get enough of the both of them…they're just so funny in my brain…again I was listening to a song and got inspired to write something so here it is.

Randomness of the Moraco:  Sad to say this time while listening to music I didn't have any obscene images like the last time so sorry to all you wonderful fellow hentai otakus  (even if you don't know Japanese you probably can figure out what I'm saying)

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Hard to Explain

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Chapter 1

The Incident

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Early morning in the Shrieking Shack Remus Lupin curled up into a ball and began to cry shortly after his transformation back to a human.  The rest of the marauders, whom had all transformed back into their human forms as well crowded around him with sorrowful looks upon their faces.

            Sirius scooped the young werewolf into his arms.  "Remus what's wrong?"

            "I had the…the most horrible dream," he replied, still sobbing.  Sirius looked worryingly at both James and Peter and then looked back at Remus in an attempt to smile.  Remus looked into Sirius' eyes, seeing past the phony smile.  "Sirius?"

            "Yes love?"

            "What happened last night?"

            "Well, um-"

            Remus glanced over at James noticing large claw marks had wounded his side.  "No," Remus whispered. "No," he repeated and cried into Sirius' chest.  Sirius hugged his boyfriend tighter.  "Go," Remus told them.  "Before Madame Pomfrey comes.  Go and get out of here."

            "But, Remus," they all protested not wanting to leave their friend in this position.

            "Go, I'll see you all tomorrow."

            Sirius, gave Remus a small chaste kiss and then stood to leave.  James and Peter also stood starting their way out of the Shrieking Shack and Sirius followed.

~

            The Marauders, minus Remus, were back in their dormitory in Gryffindor tower readying themselves for the rest of the day.  It was a Saturday so at least they did not have class.  If they had all would have fallen asleep drooling onto their text books.  They would have liked to have slept all day but they felt someone would suspect something was up, especially Lily with her always inquisitive attitude.  As they did so they made conversation.

            "I have no idea how that greasy haired git found out about Remus, but I'd sure as hell like to give him a piece of my mind," James said.  He winced as he put on a t-shirt due to the scratches Remus had given him the night before.

            "You really should go to the infirmary and have Madame Pomfrey take a look at that James," Peter said.

            Sirius quirked a response, "Are you insane Wormtail?  He can't go to Madame Pomfrey!  She'll want to know what happened and there's not much of another explanation than it coming from a large animal and with Remus becoming a wolf last night, and him being one of our best friends, what is she going to think, Peter? James going to Pomfrey could get us all in trouble."

            "Which is why I'm not going and am going to bare it like a man," James added.

            "We best make ourselves present for breakfast," Sirius said.  "C'mon."  Sirius walked out of the dormitory door followed by James and Peter.  

When they entered the common room Lily Evans gave her usual greeting.  "Good morning all," she said.  She then hugged and kissed James.

"Morning sweetie," James responded.

"Mornin' Lil," Sirius managed to stifle out through a yawn.

"Still sleepy Siri?" she asked.  He nodded in response.  "By the way all of you look pretty put out.  What did you do last night and where's Remus?"

"Remus is visiting his mother," Sirius replied to her second question.

"Oh silly me," she proclaimed.  "He told me about leaving to go see her days ago, I can't believe I forgot.  That still doesn't answer my other question though."

"We raided the kitchens and then came back and had a very quiet all night party," James told her.

"How dare you, James Potter?  We're prefects and are not supposed to condone such behaviour.  And you didn't even invite me?"  She slapped James in the side, his wounded side, jokingly.

James winced and doubled over and put his hand up to his side where Lilly had hit him.

Lily's eyes widened at her boyfriend in pain and she let out a squeaky gasp.  "Oh James I'm so sorry I didn't mean to hurt you."

James lifted his head up with his usual charming, joking smile.  "Oh don't worry you're head off."

"You tricked me!"

James kissed Lily.  "Why don't you go ahead and run along to the great hall.  I want to talk to Siri and Pete for a second."

"Oh fine." Lily exited Gryffindor Tower heading for the great hall.

James placed his hand back on the spot that Lily had hit him.  "That really hurt," he whispered.

Sirius wrapped his arm around James' shoulders and very concerned asked, "You going to be okay Jamie?"

James looked at Sirius smiling.  "I will be if the old battle axe isn't the death of me before she becomes the old battle axe."

Sirius and James both chuckled and then the three boys exited the tower to go to the Great Hall.  While walking down the hall Sirius dawned a question to James.  "So when are you going to ask her?"

"I was thinking I'd wait till next year."

"Next year?  Why wait so long?  You could ask her now and then she could have the summer and a whole year to get all her bragging out of the way," Sirius suggested.

"Do you really think it's a wise idea?"

"With all the things going on in the world outside Hogwarts having something happy happen to leave her and you  with happy thoughts for as long as possible is one of the best things you can do," Sirius explained.

James nodded.  "It's decided then.  I'll ask her soon.  Very soon.  I just hope she says yes."

"James she obviously loves you, there's no way she's going to say no," Sirius told him.

"You worry too much James," Peter said.  "At least you have someone who loves you."

"Oh Pete, don't go into that again.  I promise you're going to find a girl someday.  I don't know when exactly but it'll happen because good things like that happen to good people like you," James said.

"Yes, of course," Peter replied and smiled his fake smile.  It saddened the other marauders when he gave that smile.  He just seemed never to have any hope about good things, though with the dark times in the world very few people did.

They arrived at the Great Hall to find none other than Headmaster Dumbledore with one of their Slytherin classmates, Severus Snape, standing by his side.  "Mr. Black, Mr. Potter," Dumbledore  said, "I need to see you both in my office."

            Sirius and James exchanged glances and then looked back at Snape and the Headmaster and followed as the way to Dumbledore's office was led. 

~

A/N:  Poor Remus, I feel so sorry for him…don't worry later you get to hear the whole story of what did happen…or what happened as in my brain since this story is kinda based around something that's mentioned in the books….Hmmm what is this that James is going to ask Lily? Oh I think we know if we're smart enough. That's all for now folks but I promise I'm going to come up with more to the rest of the story as soon as possible.  I believe I see a button below for reviews…would you mind pressing it and typing in some stuff about what you thought so that I might read it later? Cause that would just be grande.  ^_^


	2. Discussions

A/N:  HUZAH! I finished another chapter! And only within a few days too!  So go ahead and read.  I know I already got a couple reviews that were telling me to write more after the first chapter.  Hope this is somewhat enjoyable considering the not so cheerful content of it.

Randomness of the Moraco:  JAMES IS SUCH A MAN WHORE!

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Hard to Explain

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Chapter 2

Discussions

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            In the Headmaster's office the three boys, Black, Potter, and Snape, sat in three chairs placed in front of the Headmaster's desk while Dumbledore took his own seat behind the desk giving the them an indescribable look.  It was not one of anger or one of his usual cheerfulness.  "It has come to my attention from Mr. Snape, that you Mr. Black tried to kill him, though Mr. Potter here saved his life as it sounds even though those are not his exact words," the Headmaster spoke.

            "It was merely a prank, Headmaster," Sirius said.  "I wasn't trying to kill him, just scare him."

            "If I am understanding you correctly, Mr. Black, you were trying to scare Mr. Snape at the expense of exposing one of your best friends?"

            "Um- "

            "Oh I'm sure the werewolf was in on it to.  All of them and their little clique always trying to make my life miserable," Severus said.

            "Leave Remus out of this!  He didn't know a thing about it and neither did I," James shouted.

            "This is between you and me Snape, leave everyone else out of it."  Sirius sneered at the pale faced greasy haired boy sitting in the chair next to him, while restraining himself from pounding ever ounce of guts out of Snape.

            "Boys settle down!"  The three boys looked at Dumbledore who looked very displeased.  "I have heard the story and I will be questioning Mr. Lupin about this incident later.  You are all very lucky that none of you are being expelled, especially for as many rules as you have broken.  100 points each will be taken from your houses.  Explanation will be being out on school grounds after hours if anyone is to ask.  Mr. Black and Mr. Potter I respect that the two of you will not share the secret your friend holds, and Mr. Snape if I hear any talk about Remus Lupin being a werewolf from anyone and it comes back to you, I will see personally that Slytherin house loose all points it has and that you are expelled from Hogwarts." 

            James and Sirius exchanged glances and Severus sunk down into the chair in which he was sitting paler than he had ever been.

            "Now go about your business for the rest of the day as if nothing has happened," Dumbledore told them as he motioned for them to leave the office.

            Once outside Dumbledore's office Snape scuttled off leaving James and Sirius in the corridor alone.

            "Sirius Black I can't believe you," James said with an angry hushed voice.

            "What?"

            "It was you!  You told Snape!  It's your fault the whole thing happened!  How could you do that to us?!  Better yet, how could you do that to Remus?!"

            "I-"

            "You didn't think? Is that it?"  James grabbed Sirius by the shirt collar and shoved him into the wall.  "He loves you!  We all thought you loved him to."

            "I do," Sirius said.

            James backed away so angry that he began to cry.  He couldn't think of anything else to say.  He ran off in the direction of Gryffindor Tower.

            Sirius sank down to his against the wall and pulled his knees to his chest and began to cry himself.  *How did I do it?* he thought.  *Stupid, stupid me!  How could I not think?  That stupid git had just made me so angry I-…. Oh god, how will Remus ever forgive me?*  Sirius sat and cried with these thoughts swimming  in his head.  He sat and cried for a good hour and then finally headed back to Gryffindor Tower.

~

            Saturday passed and it was now Sunday.  James and Sirius had not spoken a word to each other since after their punishment in Dumbledore's office and James had told Peter so Peter was no longer talking to Sirius either.

            Lily sat down in the common room reading a book when Remus walked through the portrait hole, back from visiting his sick mother (or so Lily thought). She put down her book and walked over and gave him a hug.

            "Why thank you Lily," Remus said.  "What have I done to deserve that?"

            "You're back," she replied.  "And just in time too.  Sirius and James aren't talking to each other and Peter's not talking to Sirius either.  They won't tell me why but I know with you back it'll all get sorted out and be back to normal." 

            "I'm happy you have such confidence in me Lily, but I don't even know the problem nor do I know if I, of all people, would be able to fix it," he replied.

            "You could at least try.  They're like brothers, and I hate to see them fighting like this," she told him.

            "Then I will try nothing but my very best," Remus smiled.  He headed up the stairs to the dormitory which he shared with his fellow marauders. "Hello," he said entering.

            "Welcome back Mooney," Peter said.

            "Good to have you back with us," James said.

            Remus then looked at Sirius bed, in which the curtains had been drawn.  "Is he in there?"

            "I wouldn't know," James replied.  "I've completely blocked him and his entire existence out of my mind."

            Remus frowned at James' response.  He then walked over to Sirius' bed and pulled one of the curtains back to look inside in which he saw Sirius sleeping, but it wasn't like usual. Sirius was scrunched up in a ball and his eyes were red.  It looked as though he had been crying.  Remus' face saddened at the sight.  He got into Sirius' bed and lied down behind his boyfriend, wrapping his arms around his waist and burring his face in Sirius' neck

            The contact startled Sirius awake.  He turned over to face Remus, who he immediately kissed.

            "Well, hello to you too."  Remus smiled.

            Sirius eyes welled up with tears and he began to cry again and turned back over facing away from Remus.

            "Siri, what's wrong?"

            "Nothing," Sirius replied.

            "You're Sirius Black.  You don't just out of the blue cry about nothing.  Now tell me what' wrong?"

            Sirius just sniffled and did not reply.

            "Is it something James did?  Something I did?"

            Sirius shook his head.  "It's all my fault," he said

            "What?  What's all your fault?"

            "I'm not ready to tell you," Sirius replied.

            "Okay then," Remus said.  "I'll leave you to it then.  And when you're ready to tell me, please tell me.  Don't keep something that's got you in such anguish a secret from me forever."  Remus gave Sirius a kiss on the cheek and then left Sirius' bed for his own.

            Remus sat on his bed and sighed.  He got up from his bed and went over to Peter's on which Peter was doing his homework.  "Why is Sirius crying?"

            "Probably because we're not talking to him and would quite prefer not to even mention him right now," Peter replied.

            Remus was taken aback by this.  They were, all four of them, the best of friends and to have a wall of ignorance build around one of them was unheard of amongst the marauders.  He then went over to James.  He didn't ask him anything, he just looked at him.    

            "Something you need Moony?"

            "I'm sorry," Remus said.

            "For what?"

            "I gave you quite a bit of a scratch didn't I?"

            "Oh that," James said.  "Don't worry about it."

            "I never saw you come to the infirmary to have it treated," Remus said.

            "That's because I didn't go to the infirmary to have it treated.  There's no way I'm going to try and explain something like that to Pomefrey," James replied.

            "So you haven't done anything to it?"

            "No.  It was scabbed over by morning so I just left it."  Remus reached down and poked James in the side where he had scratched him. "Ow!"  James jumped back in his bed, putting his hand over the spot that had been poked.  "What was that for?"

            "It only hurts so much because you probably got it infected," Remus explained.  "I think I've got something that will help."  Remus went back over to his own bed and opened his trunk and began fumbling through it.  He finally pulled out a small tin box.  He then got up and proceeded back over to James' bed.  

            Sirius got up from his curtained shelter of a bed and began walking toward the dormitory door.  "I'm going to go take a bath," he said.  Then he left without another word as Peter and James scowled at him and Remus looked with a simply worried expression. 

            "I was wondering when he'd finally get up and leave," Peter said.

            "Why's that Pete?" James asked.

            "I was only sticking around here to make him feel worse.  I need to go down to the library and look a few things up so I can finish this paper I'm working on," Peter explained.  He then got up from his bed gathering his homework papers and placing them in his bag and then left the dormitory for the library.

            "Hmmm, sometimes Peter really does think like a Rat," James commented.

            Remus opened up his small tin box to reveal a few bottles, some gauze, cotton balls, bandages, and various other first aid type things.  He grabbed one of the bottles and a few cotton balls.  "I need you to take your shirt off," he told James.

            "Okay," he replied.  James removed his shirt.

            Remus looked at the marks he had left on his friend.  "You know, you're very lucky I didn't bite you.  Something like this is one of the reasons I never wanted all of you to be there with me."      

            "But it helps a lot to have us around doesn't it?"

            Remus smiled and looked at his friend.  "That's one of the reasons I'm happy you guys never listen to me."

            They both sat and laughed for a few moments.

            Remus soaked a cotton ball in the liquid that he had a the bottle of in his hand and began stroking it across James' wounds.  James' face scrunched up in pain.  "I know it hurts," Remus told him, "but trust me, you'll feel a lot better in the morning."

            "Okay I believe you."

            "So, what exactly did Sirius do that's got you and Peter so angry at him?"

            "Do you really want to know?"

            "Of course I want know," Remus said.  "I mean, I think I have a right to know why I come in to find my boyfriend has cried himself to sleep and my other two best friends are mad at him."

            "I know you have a right to know and I guess if he were going to tell you himself what he did, he would have already done it," James said.  "You remember that Snape was there?  At the shack?"

            Remus nodded as he finished up with the first part of James' treatment.

            "Someone told Snape to come.  Someone who didn't like the thought of you consorting with Snape, even as partners in potions class.  Someone who was a bit jealous I'd say.  Someone told Snape to come to the Shrieking shack and how to get there if he wanted to find out what you really were," James said.  He was looking at Remus with a very intense expression, that nearly took over the expressions of pain from what Remus had just finished doing.

            Remus looked up at James with a most pleading look in his eyes, knowing who he thought James was hinting at, but he didn't want to believe it.  "Not- not…" Remus stammered.

            "Sirius," James said.

            Remus continued with what he'd been doing, putting away the bottle he had held and getting some gauze and bandages.

            "But- but he wouldn't!"

            "Remus," he said to the boy who was kneeling on the floor bandaging him, "I wouldn't lie to you.  Not about something as severe as this.  I don't even think I'd lie to you about anything.  You're one of my best mates."

            Remus finished with James' bandage and closed his tin box and stood up to take it back to his trunk, beginning to cry.  Remus placed the box back into his trunk and then sat down on his bed, still crying.

            James got up from his own bed and went over to Remus' and sat down next to the boy.

            "How?  How could he?"  Remus' amount of tears doubled.

            James pulled Remus to him, giving the boy a shoulder to cry on.  "It's okay Remus.  Let it all out.  Everything is going to be okay,"  James said trying to comfort his friend.  He then gave him a small kiss on the forehead.

            Remus turned his head up looking at James, their faces only inches apart.  He leaned up and pressed his lips to those of James.

            * I can play along with this,* James thought.  * If this'll make him feel better, he sure does need it*  James leaned into the kiss and it seemed to him that Remus was starting to calm down a bit.

            The dormitory door closed as silently as it had opened only mere seconds before.  Sirius leaned against the wall and then sank to the floor pulling his knees to his chest crying more than he had the night before.

~

A/N:  Oh boy, that was a rather dramatic/angsty chapter wasn't it?  I never thought I could write stuff like that.  Oh well I guess that's where having a bad day gets you.  I was writing most of this chapter on a very bad day.  I don't know what I had done to make the powers that be angry but it sure must have been a something and most of this is a product from that such day.  Hopefully I will have some brighter days…..as a comment to my earlier randomness, okay James isn't that much of a man whore…I just like to say that cause he's going round kissing with boys again…actually the whole man whore comment comes from what I thought when I  was looking at an HP doujinshi (Japanese fan comic) I bought off of ebay in which from what I can tell James likes Severus, and Sirius is madly in love with Remus, but James kisses Sirius for a reason that I can't figure out cause I can't read Japanese, and I was talking on the phone with my friend when I was looking through it and I said all of a sudden out of the blue "James is such a man whore!"…I had a bit of explaining to do to my friend on the other end of the phone….ha ha ha, I think I'm gonna use that as one of my favourite phrases from now on…oh well that's all for now so please give that little button down there a click and let me know what's going through your brain about this whole fic so far.


	3. Forgiveness

A/N:  Hey another chapter finished and getting posted within less than 24 hours…that's good for me.  Hope you're liking the fic so far.  This chapter is a little short I know but I thought that this chapter just kind of needed to exist for what it's all about.

Randomness of the Moraco:  You see, I was originally thinking of having this in with the second chapter but I kind of thought a little more of a suspenseful like ending to it sounded really good and then I could pick up on this in another chapter, plus at the time the entire ideas of this chapter had not been developed yet and I didn't have time to write another chapter.  I actually skipped doing my homework to do a lot of the work on the last chapter and am being a major procrastinator putting my other homework off to create this chapter.  I really hope you guys are liking this cause my future as a college student may be looking grim soon.

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Hard to Explain

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Chapter 3

Forgiveness

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            Remus pulled away from the kiss and looked into James' eyes.  "James, why?"

            "You started it," he replied.

            Remus sheepishly looked the other way.  "I- I didn't intend to-"

            "It's okay," James said.  "I just know that kissing can be very comforting to someone who's in distress.  I was really just trying to be helpful."

            "But James, you're- I mean you're with Lily and-" Remus stammered.

            "Oh don't worry, I'm perfectly heterosexual if that's what you're insinuating," James assured him.

            "Okay, just don't tell Siri about this.  I just know he'd have a fit," Remus said.

            "I don't think he would," James said.

            "Oh, and why do you think that Mr. Prongs?  I believe I know Siri better than most anyone.  Even you."

            James smiled.  "Because he wouldn't feel like such a dirty pre-cheat and would consider himself even with you in more elements than you might know Mr. Moony."

            Remus could only give James a quizzical look.  James began chuckling.  "What? What's so funny?"

            "Well, the truth is that you're not exactly the first boy I've kissed.  Siri came first."

            Remus' face went very pale and it appeared as though his eyes were tearing up again.

            James' eyes widened at his friends face.  "No, no! It's nothing like that at all.  New Years eve day Sirius was feeling a little unsure of himself and thought that he might tell you how he felt about you before midnight and get to kiss you.  He'd never kissed another boy and pleaded me if I'd be his 'experience' because he wanted to have  a perfect first kiss with you," he explained.

            "Oh," Remus said.  His face brightened up a bit more and he began to chuckle.  "I can't believe you kissed him."

            "Oh keep your mouth shut.  I don't want to hear anything said about this around Peter.  I'm afraid he'd feel left out and no matter how good of a friend he is, I really don't ever want to go that far."

            Remus laughed so hard he fell out of James' arms onto the floor.

            Outside the door Sirius heard the laughter coming from inside.  *That's Remus.  Maybe they've both come to their senses or something.  Maybe I had just been seeing things.*  Sirius stood up and walked into the dormitory to see two of the people he loved more than anything at Remus' bed laughing.  *Remus is so cute when he laughs.  I still don't think he'll ever forgive me for what I've done though.*

            Remus, still on the floor laughing, heard James fall silent and then sat up on the floor to see that he was staring at Sirius who had entered the dormitory.  "Siri, you're back," Remus said.

            Sirius nodded.  "And you're on the floor.  Care to tell me what's so funny."

            "Oh nothing.  Just chatting with James about you.  He's got quite a few fascinating stories to tell," Remus said.

            "Like what?"

            "That's for us to know and you not to."  Remus got up from the floor and walked over to Sirius' bed and sat down patting the spot beside him.  "We need to talk about a few things Sirius."

            "Remie, I'm gonna go see if I can help Pete in the library if you need me."  James got up, put on his shirt and left the dormitory leaving Remus and Sirius alone to their talking.

            Sirius sat down on his bed next to Remus and looked at the floor trying to avoid meeting his boyfriend's eyes.

            "I know what you did and I forgive you.  I'd really like to know why though, but I don't want you to tell me until you really know why you did it yourself.  I know that you can usually be very unsure of yourself about why you do certain things and I believe that I would have heard it from you instead of James if you had known the answer for my question," Remus said.

            Sirius looked up into Remus' loving eyes.  "How?  I've done something so terrible.  How can you just forgive me?"

            Remus leaned in and kissed Sirius who responded and kissed back.  "Because I love you.  Now c'mon let's go do something.  I don't know what though."

            "Play you a game of wizard chess."

            "But Sirius I always beat you."

            "Doesn't matter.  I still enjoy the game.  You're very adorable when you're concentrating on your next move," Sirius told him.  

            "Okay then."

~

            Later that evening Remus and Sirius were heading to the Great Hall for dinner.  Sirius stopped in the doorway before entering.

            "Siri, what's wrong?"

            "They're here."

            "Who?"

            "Prongs and Wormtail," Sirius replied.

            "So? They're our friends.  C'mon Sirius."  Remus grabbed Sirius by the arm and nearly literally had to drag him inside with him, but Sirius responded by moving his feat and letting Remus lead him.  They both sat in their usual spots.  Sirius stared at his plate so as not to have to look at James and Peter.

            "Good evening Remus, and you too Sirius," Lily said as they sat down.  She then elbowed James in the arm to say something.

            "Oh, evenin' Remus," James said.

            Lily elbowed him again.  "You forgot to greet someone else."

            "As far as I'm concerned this other person you're talking about doesn't exist," he told her.

            "James," Remus said.  "I've forgiven him and it would make me feel a lot better if you and Peter could find it in yourselves to forgive him too."

            "If Remus of all people can forgive you Sirius, I suppose I can too," James said.  "And, I'm sorry for the way I've acted, but what you did…never mind."

            "Well, I don't want to feel like an outcast, so I forgive you too, even though you really were a big…never mind," Peter said.

            Sirius began to smile.  "Thank you.  It's a little bit nicer to know that I'm an existing being again."

            "Well it's nice to see that you've all made up," Lily said.  "I wasn't about to start taking sides, no matter what it is that Sirius did."

~

A/N:  Okay well I couldn't keep Siri in pain too long, and I know that that was kinda short, but it got to the point I was wishing to make with this chapter and you know I think getting two chapters up in the same day is a fairly large accomplishment so you guys should be happy.   I know this was probably one of the more mellow chapters but I'm in a kinda mellow mood so ya… if you could please be so kind as to review.  I really like to hear what you wonderful readers think.


	4. The Severus Reaction

A/N:  It took a little while but I'm finally back with another chapter.  Even though while writing this I really should have been writing a paper that's due tomorrow, I couldn't leave this baby alone for a while…that and I've been longing for my Remie and Siri while sitting day in and day out in lectures.  Have fun kiddos.

Randomness of the Moraco:  "Love.  Love is a many splendid thing.  Love lifts us up where we belong.  All you need is love."

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Hard to Explain

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Chapter 4

The Severus Reaction

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The next day began just like every normal day.  Wait a minute, we're talking about the Marauders here, there are no normal days, but anyway a new day began.  The Marauders had their usual morning breakfast in the great hall and were about to go to their dreaded potions class.  As they came upon the classroom Remus stopped a few feet away from the door, with a look of apprehension spread across his face.

            Sirius was the first to notice and stopped as well.  "Remi, what's wrong?"

            "We have potions with the Slytherins," he said.

            "We've always had potions with the Slytherins.  C'mon," Sirius said grabbing Remus' arm hoping that he would not end up having to drag him into the classroom.

            "Severus.  What if he-?"

            "_Snape won't say anything to anyone about you.  Dumbledore threatened him with too much, his whole future in fact," Sirius said pulling on Remus' sleeve until the other boys' legs began to move._

            Remus went into the classroom and sat down in his normal chair which was next to the normal chair of his potions partner Severus Snape.  Remus didn't care if he had told the whole Slytherin house what he was.  All he cared about was what his reaction would be when he was around him.  They'd been becoming friends.  They'd shared a few stories and some anecdotes while they worked on potions and Remus had found that Severus wasn't as slimy as his friends had said he was.

            The Slytherins came in shortly after.  Snape took his usual chair but scooted it as far away from Remus as he could without me suspicious.  "Morning, Sev," Remus said to the other boy.

            Severus scowled at him and said, "You have no rights to call me that.  You'll refer to me as Snape, you creature"

            Remus was taken aback by Severus' attitude but then decided not to say anything else to him.  He was also quite relieved that no one seemed to pay attention to the fact that he had just been called a 'creature'.

            The potions professor entered the room and instructed the students to pick up where they had left off.  Severus set up the cauldron and told Remus not to touch anything and just take notes.  Remus didn't like this.  Potions had started to become one of his more liked subjects because he would work with Severus, who he thought knew more about potions than even the professor, who showed him how things were to be done if he wanted a potion to turn out perfect.  He wasn't used to just writing down what he was told, but he did it anyway in fear that no matter how much Dumbledore had threatened him, Severus still might blurt out to the entire school what he really was.

~

Remus moped around for the rest of the day, until finally in the Gryffindor 6th year boys dormitory Sirius had something to say about it.  "Remus why do you care what that slimy git thinks about you?"

            "He's not a slimy git!  Not once you get to know him anyway," Remus replied.

            "It's not a very smart idea to be fraternizing with the enemy either way," James said.

            "Enemy?  How is he an enemy?  For crying out loud you and Sirius are his worst enemies.  He's always your victim!  The butt of every one of your jokes!  He's a real person.  Do you know how those pranks of yours make him feel?  I feel guilty when I hear about it, because you're my best friends, and for some reason I can never imagine either one of you making someone feel that way," Remus said.

            "Well, he should at least be happy that he has the wonderful Remus, whom he hates, I might add, is standing up for him and his so called feelings."  Sirius chuckled.

            Remus turned to his boyfriend enraged by his lack of caring.  He walked up to him and without warning slapped Sirius hard upon his right cheek.  "I'm going to the library," Remus said.  He fled the dormitory going to the library.

            Sirius simply stood staring off into space after Remus had slapped him.  It was taking his mind a bit of time to process all that had just happened in the last minute or so.

~

            When Remus arrived at the library, he headed for a small little nook were few people ever went to read or study.  He didn't expect, what, or rather who he found, to be there.

            Severus was sitting in the overstuffed chair staring at the bookcase in front of him.  He didn't seem to be aware of anything but the bookcase.  Remus had actually come here intending to do the same.  To just simply sit and figure out his thoughts.  "Sev," he whispered.

            Severus came out of his daze and looked at Remus.  "What do you want werewolf?"  He was sure that no one would hear him say the word, since he had whispered and library was nearly dead anyway.

            "I didn't expect to find you here," Remus replied, not answering Severus' question.

            "I'll be leaving then."  Severus rose from his seat.

            "Wait.  Please?  I want to know why?"

            "Why what?"    

            "Why are you treating me like this?  Why did you listen to Sirius anyway?  You must have known he was setting you up for something," Remus inquired. 

            "I don't have to answer your questions, so get out of my way," Severus said as he walked toward Remus, who was insistent upon not letting the other boy leave.

            Remus, out of desperation, grabbed Severus by the front of his robes then shoved and held him up against the wall.  "Tell me.  I want to know, I need to know."

            "Fine.  I only listened to Black because I wanted to find out more about you.  Why, I've been treating you the way I have?  Frankly, I'm scared of you.  Who comes into a library and shoves another person up against a wall anyway?"

            Remus let the other boy go and backed off.  "I'm sorry.  It's just, I needed some answers from someone.  We were becoming friends, Sev.  What happened?"

            "I could never love something like you,"  Severus said.  He then looked up at Remus to see a look of shock.  

            "I never said anything about love."

Severus then realized that he had said only what he meant to think.  "I have to go," he said quickly and pushed past Remus, at a running pace.

            Remus stared as the other boy fled the library.  "Love," he whispered to himself.  He then sat down in the chair that had previously been occupied by the other boy and began to stare at the bookcase himself.

~

A/N:  Jinkies…Ain't Remus just a stud muffin…got everyone all over him and all.  Oh well I love Remus, and though it's hard to explain, I for some reason love Severus, despite he can occasionally be a git, I still like him.  Oh well, that's all for this chapter so if you could be a sweety and drop your thoughts off by clicking that button down below I'd be grateful.


	5. Kept Secrets Revealed

A/N: I'm back again and this time I didn't have any homework, so I got to sit around and do some writing not having to worry about needing to do something else.  Boy that last chapter was interesting wasn't it?  Well I don't care if you thought it was or not cause I thought it was and I wrote it for bloody sakes.

Randomness of the Moraco:  I never get tired of this song:  "Hard To Explain" by The Strokes.  I listen to it every time and minute and second that I write this story, and the idea spawned while listening to this song which is why the story is named Hard To Explain.

~

Hard To Explain

~

Chapter 5

Kept Secrets Revealed

~

            Later Remus left the library and went back to the dormitory to find his fellow Marauders sleeping.  He changed into his pajamas as silently as he could and then went over to Sirius' bed and pulled back on of the curtains to see the other boy, who was still awake and now staring at him.

            "Welcome back Moony," Sirius whispered. His face was stern and his usual smile wasn't at all apparent.

            Remus crawled into the bed beside him, put his arms around Sirius and snuggled into his chest.  "Go to sleep Padfoot.  We'll talk in the morning, I promise."  He closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.

            Sirius sighed, wrapped his arms around his boyfriend, holding him tightly, and fell off into the land of slumber himself.

~

            The next morning the Marauders awoke and went down to the Great Hall for breakfast.  

            "Remus?" 

            "Yes Sirius?"

            "You said we'd talk this morning," Sirius said.

            Lily looked up from her breakfast at Remus and Sirius.  "What's going on?"

            "Trouble in paradise," James muttered.

            Remus looked over to Lily, "Could I talk to you for alone for a minute Lil?"

            "Sure."

            Remus got up from the table and so did Lily.  Remus turned to Sirius and said, "I'm sorry for slapping you, and I still need to talk to you about something else later."

            Sirius nodded as his boyfriend and best friend's girlfriend left the Great Hall.

            "If I didn't know any better sometimes I'd swear those two were cheating on us with each other," James said.

            Sirius chuckled.  "I know what you mean."

            "Wonder what he wants to talk to you about," James said.

            "It would seem as though Lily's going to know before me."

            "Hmmm, wonder where the git is this morning," Peter commented.

            "What?" James and Sirius both looked at him quizzically.

            "Snape.  He's not here this morning, which completely ruins our food fight plan."

            "Curious," Sirius said.

~

            "What happened Remus?  You've go to tell me!"

            "If I wasn't going to tell you I wouldn't be talking to you," he said.

            "Well what happened?"

            "Last night we were sitting around the dormitory and I'd been sort of moping around since potions because of Severus."

            Lily shuddered at the mention of the other boy's name.  "I wouldn't worry about him if I were you."

            "We were starting to become friends, acquaintances at least, and then Siri-"

            "What? What did he do?"

            "Never mind what he did.  Let's just say that thanks to him Severus knows something about me that he shouldn't.  And ever since potions yesterday he completely tried to dissociate himself from me," he explained.

            "I wouldn't worry my head about it, Remie," she said.

            "Oh it gets worse.  Sirus confronted me about my moping and kept calling him a slimy greasy haired git and at that moment it made me angry so I slapped him and ran off to the library."

            "Well, you apologized for the slapping so what is this that you're going to talk to Sirius about later?"

            "I found Severus in the library last night.  I asked him why he'd been treating me the way he had and supposedly he's in love with me, or was," Remus told her.

            Lily's eyes were wide as that of an owl's.  "Just the thought of Snape being in love with someone I'm as fond of as you makes me want to puke!"

            "You puking is such a lovely image."

            "Why are you even worried about something like this?"

            "There's something that I never told you.  Before Sirius and I got together, back when I swore to myself he'd never feel the same way about me, I had some feelings for Severus."

            "WHAT?!"

            "That's why I still care about what he thinks about me," Remus admitted.  "At the time we'd just started talking after being partnered up in potions, and he's not the slimy git everyone thinks he is, and he's got that dark and mysterious quality to him as well."

            Lilly knocked her fist on Remus' head, "Knock, knock, what happened to my Remus?  The Remus that's in love with and going out with Sirius Black."

            Remus chuckled a bit.  "Nothing happened.  It's just ever since Severus said that last night, my feelings for him are starting to resurface, even though I don't intend on acting on them.  I mean, I do love Sirius and hope to spend the rest of my life with him."

            "Please tell me that when you tell Sirius about this, that you'll leave out the part about resurfacing feelings for _Snape," Lily said._

            "You're right.  It would just make him even more jealous, than he was when he told Severus about  the shack."

            "The what?"

            Remus stiffened, realizing that he'd said something that he shouldn't have considering that Lily was the only one of his circle of best friends who didn't know about his lycanthropy.  Even though he had a certain bond with the girl, he'd decided that such a thing would either scare or fascinate her too much.  He'd rather not have her run away from him screaming, or having her trying to get him to take of his clothes so she could do a further examination of a real werewolf.

            "N-nothing.  I s-said nothing," Remus stuttered.

~

A/N:  Poor Remus and his big mouth….Poor Lily for the torture she's going through…this was a rather odd chapter I guess in my opinion.  If you would please, since I'd like to hear your thoughts, review.


	6. The Boys Toilets

A/N:  Back again, since I had a free moment.  Hope this is interesting so far and I'm sorry to say that this chapter isn't going to be a very cheery one, but if you're liking the story so far you may actually like it.

Randomness of the Moraco:  For some reason I really wonder if in some of the future HP books if there will, at all be, any homosexual characters.  I mean the wizarding world is supposed to be like a magical version of the real world, so technically shouldn't there be homosexual wizards.  I mean some people seem to think that HP is just for kids and all that but as the books progress everyone gets older and they all are starting to deal with some more adult situations so in a way the books are maturing a bit more.  Anyway I think the point I was trying to think of or make is that if JKR, ever did put any homosexual characters into the series that she shouldn't fear great protests, since I have a bad feeling that if she did do so that some people would protest cause they have the idea that HP is strictly for children…..sorry bout that long rant

~

Hard To Explain

~

Chapter 6

The Boys Toilets

~

Remus fled the room abandoning his friend.  He ran, not knowing to where he was running and ended up in the boys bathroom.  He leaned back against the door and sighed.  It was then that he realized he wasn't alone in the bathroom.  He heard someone crying.  He located the stall where he heard the cries coming from and knocked on the stall door.  "Whoever you are, are you alright?"

Suddenly the stall door opened to reveal Severus Snape.  His eyes were all puffy and red and he looked quite angry about being disturbed.  He grabbed Remus by the front of his robes and pulled him into the stall with him, locking the door again behind them.

"Severus what happened?"

Remus immediately found himself up against a stall wall with Severus' hand clenched around his throat strangling him.  "Why, Lupin? Why?"

"I don't understand," Remus managed to say.

"I should kill you right here and now.  For what you are and what you've done to me."

"You'd never get away with it,"  Remus managed a few more words.  "Dumbledore knows everything that goes on in this school.   You would be sent to Azkaban for murder."  The other boy released his hand from Remus' throat.  Remus gasped for air.

"Why do you always have to be right, Lupin!?"

Remus then did something unexpected.  He grabbed Severus on both sides of the face and kissed him, shoving him up against the other side of the stall.  

Severus did not fight back.  He melted into the whole experience.  After the kiss was broken there were quite a few more kisses and hands exploring the others' body.

Soon robes came off, and then sweaters.  Severus undid Remus' crimson and gold striped tie and threw it over the stall door, all the while the two of them snogging their heads off.

~

Lily walked morosely back into the Great Hall and sat back down beside James.

"Lily, what's wrong?"  James put his arm around her shoulders.

Sirius looked around for a moment.  "Where's Remus?"

"Remie is what's wrong.  I think he said something he only meant to think, and I confronted him about it and I believe it upset," she explained.

James gave her a comforting kiss on the cheek.  "How about we all go and look for him?  Would that make you feel better?"

She nodded.

Sirius stood quickly up from his seat and everyone stared at him for a moment.  "Well let's get a move on," he said.  "I'm worried."

James, Lily, and Peter all got up from their seats as well and the party of four exited the Great Hall.  As they walked down the corridor Peter let out a bit more information than any of his companions would have like to have heard.

"I've got to go to the 'lou'," he said as they passed the door to the boys restrooms.

"Hurry it up," Sirius snapped at him.

Peter opened the door.  The first thing he saw was a scarlet and gold striped tie fly over the top of a stall door.  He slowly shut the door to the restrooms.

"What's wrong Pete?"  James asked.

"There's someone snogging in there.  A Gryffindor too.

"What?" the other three simultaneously said.

"C'mere," Peter said.  He opened the restroom door again and all of them could see inside now.  Peter pointed to the Gryffindor tie on the floor.  The next thing they knew there was another tie flying over the stall door.  This tie was green and silver striped.  Peter slowly and silently closed the door again.

"And a Slytherin too," James said.  "Now I'm interested."

"The two of you," Lily and Sirius both said.

"Well nice to see we agree on something for once," Lily said.

"Pete will ya just find another restroom and we can get on our way."

"C'mon Siri,"  James said.  "This is a once in a lifetime pranking black-mailing opportunity.  There's a Gryffindor and a Slytherin snogging in the toilets.  As Marauders we can't pass this one up."

"Marauders?" Lily asked.

"It's complicated," they all told her.

            "Well while the three of you make up your minds I'm going to wait right here," she said, leaning on the wall.

            "Oh all right," Sirius finally said.

The three boys stalked into the bathroom as silently as they could.  All they could hear were moans and some smacking…*man they're really going at it* they all thought.  James and Sirius made their way into a stall on one side of the occupied on and Peter did the same on the other side.  They took their footing onto the toilet and then on their mental counts of three they all lifted their eyes over the stall wall.

~

A/N:  Man this story is getting interesting…I've been reading the books from the series 'A Series of Unfortunate Events' and I think that's what's bringing me to do all this stuff that's making Remie and Siri sad and all that…anyway that's all for now so I look forward to hearing from you on what you think soon.  I'm gonna try to have the next chapter up in 4 days from now at the latest.


	7. Green Eyes

A/N:  Back again and I fear to tell you that this fiasco only gets worse…It's more worse for Remus than for Sirius, but it's quite unfortunate for their relationship all the same.  Darn those _Series of Unfortunate Events books, they're giving me ideas for putting Remus and Sirius in anguish.  Oh well, it makes for an interesting story so here I am writing it and it would appear as though you're reading it as well, so please do read on._

Randomness of the Moraco:  Isn't it funny how time always seems to pass so quickly all the time, especially as you get older?

~

Hard To Explain

~

Chapter 7

Green Eyes

~

"Remus!?"

Remus, his eyes wide with fear, looked up to see his loving boyfriend Sirius Black looking down at him from above the restroom stall wall.  He tried to say something but when he opened his mouth nothing came out.  He then grabbed up his robe, burst out of the stall and grabbed his tie off the floor on the way out of the restroom.

Sirius attempted to get down off the toilet to chase the one he loved (despite what he had just seen), but his foot slipped into the toilet and James came tumbling down after him.  

"I think I'm gonna be sick," Peter said, quickly jumping down from his spot, hanging his now green toned face over the toilet in front of him.

The next sound anyone heard was that of Peter literally loosing his breakfast.

Sirius tried to get up from off the floor, but he couldn't move.  "My foot!"

"What's wrong with your foot?"  James asked.

"It's stuck!"

James finally managed to stand up and noticed that Sirius was not joking.  James chuckled at his best friend.

"Prongs, this is neither the time nor the place," Sirius said looking up from the floor where he was unable to stand because of his foot being stuck down the toilet.

"I'd rather have a wet foot than a bruised tailbone," James told him.  

"Yeah I guess.  Peter doesn't sound so good himself."

"Well, let's try to get you out.  I think we can get out of classes today on technical defaults," James said.

~

Lily stood outside the restroom door waiting for the boys to do whatever they were going to do when she suddenly overheard a voice that was unmistakably Sirius' yell.

"Remus!?"

Lily looked at the door which quickly soon after burst open with a partially clothes Remus running out of it.

"Remus!?" she said, with a tone mocking that of Sirius'.  She quickly ran after her friend yelling all the way to Gryffindor Tower where she followed him all the way up the stairs to the boys dormitory where she tried to open the door but couldn't, for Remus was forcing himself against it so nobody could enter.

"Go away!"

"No!  I'm not going anywhere Remie, until I find out what happened," Lily protested.

"You can't know!"

"What's wrong with you Remie?  You've always told me everything about what was bothering you, and then suddenly today you've shut yourself off from me," she said.  "It's like your this entirely other person I know nothing about."

"You can never know what you don't know about me," he said a bit more calmly.  "Just go, and leave me alone."

"No, Remus.  I'm going to stay right here until you open this door and let me in."

The door cracked open, just enough space for Lily to fit through.  "Have it your way," she heard him whisper.

Lily went in and closed the door behind her.  Remus was just standing in the middle of the room crying.  He hadn't done anything to his appearance since he had fled from the boys restroom.  His shirt was still unbuttoned and hanging off only one arm, showing the pale, scarred flesh that hid from the world.  Lily had never seen her friend like this.  Sure she's always thought it was strange that he covered up like and Eskimo year round, but she just thought it was one of his quirks.  She didn't know he was actually 'covering something up'.

"Remie… what- what happened?"

"I kissed him," he whispered.

"Who?"

"Severus." 

Lily gasped.  "What happened?"

"He was threatening me and then for some reason…."

"Why did you kiss him?  And what in the world were you planning on doing, considering your half clothed?"

Remus turned around and faced her and lifted his arms in the air.  "I don't know," he said.  "It was just an impulsive thing.  I don't know why I kissed him but after I did I was at least happy he didn't shove my head down the toilet."

"Remie what's happened to you?  You've never acted like this before," she said.

"I had no idea he felt the same way until last night!  I didn't even think he still felt it."  Remus pulled his shirt off the arm it was hanging on and threw it onto the floor yelling, "How could I be so stupid!?"  He went over to his bed and lied down head down into the pillow.

Lily walked over and sat down beside him as he sobbed into the pillow, stroking his back for comfort.  "Remus?"

"Yes?" he mumbled.

"Where one earth did you ever get all these scars?"

He turned his head to look up at her to speak, "I can't tell you."

"There seems to be quite a bit you can't tell me lately," she said.

Remus turned over and sat up.  "You wouldn't understand,"

Lily lifted Remus' chin to where she could look into his eyes, which were still red and puffy from the crying he'd been doing.  "What wouldn't I understand Remie?  I'm one of your best friends, or at least I thought I was."

Remus inched his face closer to Lily's.  "Has anyone ever told you, you have the most amazing green eyes?"  He then gave Lily and quick chaste kiss.  "And the softest lips."

"Re-"  She was unable to finish her sentence, for Remus had grabbed her into a deep kiss that she protested against by trying to push him away.  She finally succeeded in pushing him off and gaped at him.  "Remus Lupin!  What has gotten into you?"

"I'm depressed.  I'm in a state of shock.  I need comfort.  Hasn't that bisexual boyfriend of yours ever told you that kissing is the most comforting thing you can do for someone when they're in a mental state such as mine?"

Lily got up off the bed and began to back away.  "What are you talking about?"

Remus got up and walked towards her.  "Oh he never told you about his fiascos with both Sirius and me?  Or is it that he never told you that was bisexual?"

"James is perfectly heterosexual!"

"Then what's he doing going around and kissing his best friends?"

Lily's face was red with anger.  Almost as red as the hair atop her head.  In her fury, she balled her hand into and fist and punched Remus as hard as she could.  He feel to the floor with a bleeding nose and blood slowly oozing out the side of his mouth.  He didn't move and his eyes were shut.  He'd passed out from the blow.  Lily's eyes widened at the site of what she'd just done and on impulse she ran as fast as she could and went to her class that she would have been late for had she left any later.

Remus Lupin's pale body lay shirtless, passed out on the floor of the boys dormitory staining it with blood from his nose and mouth.

~

A/N:  Please don't ask me why Remus is turning into such a jerk cause I'm not really sure yet myself, but I will soon find an explanation to cure your curiosity, but I thought there should be just a bit of a darker side to him and his attitude.  I mean every rainbow does have its black side.  It's just hiding it from the world.


	8. I Just Don't Remember

A/N:  Back again, and after a death threat if I didn't write the next chapter (it was in a review and hopefully it was joking but I wrote this chapter so…), and there's no way I'm going to let this be one of those forgotten fics that you start reading and then the author just stops updating them…don't you just find that frustrating.

Randomness of the Moraco:  I was humoured that no one has made any comments about the boys toilets not having urinals, but if any of you were wondering and just didn't feel like saying anything, it's because I think Hogwarts is like a home to the students who live there, and at home, you have a toilet and no urinals (that is unless you're like my neighbor who has a urinal in his garage cuase he likes to spend all his time out there and doesn't want to have to go in the house to take a piss).

~

Hard To Explain

~

Chapter 8

I Just Don't Remember

~

            Severus sunk down to the floor of the stall and there he sat staring off into space until the last of the Gryffindors had left the restroom.  *Why did I do it? He's a stupid monster.  I hate him! I hate him!  But….it's only in my mind that I hate him.  My heart still loves him.  Stupid Remus!  Stupid Sirius Black, with his "Want to find out one of Remus' little secrets?"  Stupid them!  Stupid potion! What am I talking about?  I'm the stupid one.  Really, to think a stupid potion would make Remus mine.*  Severus stood and moped to the dungeons to the Slytherin dormitories, where he would sit and ponder the previous events even more

~

Sirius, James and Peter strode into their dormitory after returning from the infirmary.  As they opened the door, Sirius was the first to notice Remus passed out on the floor with dried blood on his face.  He ran to his boyfriend, as though he'd completely forgotten any previous events, and scooped Remus into his arms and moved him over to his bed, where he tried a few methods to get him to wake up.  Sirius eventually found that the most effective was a kiss.

Remus' eyes fluttered open slowly to view an obviously very worried Sirius Black

"Remus, what happened to you?"

"What?"

"You look bad mate," James commented.

"You're bleeding.  Or rather you were bleeding, it's dried now," Peter added.

Remus sat up with some obvious slight difficulty to do so.  "Lily Evans happened to me.  The last thing I remember is her punching me but I don't recall what we were talking about."  Remus looked down at his bare chest.  "I'm having a bit of trouble remember why I'm very shirtless as well."

"You mean you don't remember what happened in the toilets?"  Sirius asked.

"Sadly I do remember."  He turned to Sirius, eyes beginning to water,  "I'm sorry.  I'm so sorry.  I don't know what came over me.  It was like I couldn't help myself, like something was making me do it."

"Knowing Snape, he probably managed to put something in your drink and wanted to toy with you for his own pleasures," Peter said.

James replied very sarcastically, "Thanks a lot, Pete.  You just had to say the words pleasures and Snape in one sentence.  Now I'm going to be having nightmares out my arse for months."

Sirius looked Remus in the eye.  "You mean there was nothing behind it?  No emotions from your end?"

"Not quite," Remus replied.

Sirius backed away from his boyfriend with sad eyes.  "What is 'not quite' supposed to mean?"

"That something I needed to talk to you about."

Sirius turned to look over his shoulder where James and Peter were both gawking at them.  "Guys, do you mind?"

"Oh, sure we don't, we'll be out of your hair quicker than a snap can explode," James replied.  He and Peter both made their way for the common room, where they sat on the large over stuffed couch awaiting the outcome of their friends' squabble.

"So, what's this not quite business about?"

Remus sighed.  "It goes back before we got together, when Severus and I were on the verge of being almost friends.  I found him attractive.  He had that tall, dark, mysterious quality about him.  But you were the one I was in love with Sirius.  He was just someone I liked.  He was someone that if I'd had the opportunity might have had a fling, but nothing more, with.  I love you Sirius Black."

"So all you wanted to do is admit to me that you had feelings for Snape?"

"That's not all.  Last night, in the library I ran into him.  I confronted him about the way he'd been acting towards me and at some point in the whole conversation, or lack there of, he blurted out something about loving me," Remus explained.

"You're absolutely sure, that what happened in the toilets, you did completely against your own will power?"

"Yes.  I'm serious Sirius.  I would never do something like that to hurt you."

Sirius sighed and looked at the ground.  He pondered the events of when he knew Remus had found out who was behind the Shack incident. "Not even kiss my best friend?"

A puzzled look dawned Remus' face, "What are you talking about?"

"A couple of days after the Shack incident.  I'd left the dormitory to take a bath and when I came back you and James.  You were-" Sirius sniffled a bit.

"Oh," Remus said.  "That, he was, James was trying to comfort me.  I couldn't believe what you'd done.  And look who's talking.  James told me about your kissing practice."

"At least that was before we were an us," Sirius snapped.  "Either way, as long as you're sure you had nothing to do with your Snape snog session in the toilets, it leads me only to believe that Snape is up to something, considering the encounter you told me of."

"Please don't go all muggle detective on me, determined to get to the bottom of this.  Let's just leave it be."

"Remus, you're my boyfriend.  Just let me actually get to the bottom of this.  Snape has no right to be toying around with you," Sirius told him.

~

Later in the day classes were over and all the Gryffindors were flooding into the tower.  Lily came in and went immediately to James.

"Why weren't any of you in class today James?" she asked.

"We all got hurt, or in Peter's case, sick, during the boys toilets incident," he explained.  "Then supposedly Remus was unable to attend classes because of you."

"Just as well, he should keep his hands off me."

"What?"

"He kissed me," She said.  "Then he ranted something about kissing being comforting and you being bisexual.  I a bit scared of what would have happened if I hadn't knocked him out."

"Oh.  Well we did come to find that Remus may have been under the influence of some sort of potion or spell at the time."

"No.  He may have been under the influence of something in the toilets, but he wasn't when he was with me," She said.  "I can tell.  At first he was normal, and then it was as though something primitive had taken over him.  I just can't explain it, but I'm scared.  Not just for myself, but for Remus."

"I see," James replied.  "Lily, there's…There's something that you don't know about Remus."

~

A/N:  Wow the 8th chapter.  This is now officially the longest fan fic I've written and posted on ffn.  The cliffhanger this time wasn't really too big, I don't think, but all the same I think it's going to have some of you lovely readers wondering…Thank you all so much for all the reviews I've been getting, all you reviewers are just totally wicked cool.  And if you feel like being even more wicked cool, review again, I like to hear opinions on chapters as I go along.


	9. All Things Said

A/N:  OY, soooo sorry it took me sooo long to finally get this chapter up.  I apologize greatly to any fans of the story I actually have.  The thing was is that I've been writing this solely on my computer, but my computer got really messed up for a while and I wasn't able to use it and I'd completely forgotten what I'd already written of this chapter so I could like out of the blue write it over again since I'd forgotten what I'd wrote, so I waited till I finally got my computer fully fixed so that I could finish writing this chapter and here it finally is… so sorry to all who've been waiting for me to update.  I love you are and am dearly sorry, please forgive me.

Randomness of the Moraco:  Too much sugar and caffeine is both a good thing and a bad thing

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Hard To Explain

~

Chapter 9

All Things Said

~

            "Yes?"  Lily asked.

            "I really shouldn't be the one to tell you," James said.  "Sorry I even brought it up."  He got up from the couch and went up the stairs to the dormitory where Remus and Sirius both were.  The both looked at him as entered.  "Remus, I think there's something I need to talk to you about," he said.

            Remus stood from the bed where he was sitting.  "What is it, Prongs?"

            "It's about Lily."

            "Lily.  Did something happen to her?  What's wrong?"

            "You kissed her Remus," James said.

            "What?" Remus and Sirius both chorused.

            "That's what happened before she knocked you out Remus."

            Remus looked down at his feet attempting to recover his memory from what was going on before Lily knocked him unconscious.  He then looked up at James and shrugged his shoulders.  "I have no idea what you're talking about."

            "She said that it didn't seem as though you were under the influence of anything.  She said that it was like you were reverting to some sort of primitive frame of mind," James explained.

            "Sounds like nonsense to me," Sirius said.

            "No," Remus whispered.

            Sirius, who was still sitting looked up at Remus, who looked as though he were about to cry a river.  "Remie, what is it?  What's wrong?"

            "Not again," Remus whispered.  He sunk down to sit on his bed and tears came running down his face.

            "What are you talking about?"  James sat down on the bed beside him.

            "Sometimes,' Remus began to explain, "when my emotions are at a mix between anger and sadness,  I don't know exactly what happens.  I can never remember quite what I do.  Sort of like, when I transform into a wolf, I can never remember what happens because in my mind, I'm sad about what happens to me, and angry at whatever spiritual being decided to curse me and my life with lycanthropy."

            "Remie."  Sirius took Remus into his arms.

            "Remus, I think you should tell Lilly,' James said.

            "James he can't," Sirius said.  "The less people that know the better, and you know that.  Besides Lilly's a girl.  Girls gossip."

            "Lilly wouldn't tell everyone if that's what you're insinuating," James said through clenched teeth.  James of course was a little offended that his best friend would say that about his girlfriend.

            "How can you be so sure?"

            "She won't," Remus whispered.  "I know she won't.  She's like a sister to me.  I'm a little ashamed of myself that I haven't told her before." Remus looked up at Sirius.  "She needs to know.  I've kept it from her for too long."

~

            A few weeks passed and Remus finally once again asked Lily if he could talk to her alone.  He told her the whole story about the lycanthropy and how he didn't know about what happened and that he kissed her.  She took it surprisingly well.

            "I knew something was different about you," Lily said.

            "Oh how lovely, I'm different."

            "I didn't mean it like that.  I find it to be an interesting experience, being the friend of a werewolf.  I wouldn't trade you for all the friends in the world Remus."  Lily gave Remus a big hug.

            "Thank you Lily."  He returned the hug and when they broke it he held her hands and smiled.  He felt a something on her finger.  *Lily doesn't wear rings.*  He looked down at her left finger which bared a silver ring encrusted with heart shaped diamonds.  "Lily?" He asked insinuating the ring.

            "Oh," she said.  "James asked me to marry him."

            Remus smiled.

            "After we both get out of school of course, but I can't believe it.  I'm going to marry the man I love."

            "I'm so happy for you Lily.  Sirius and I were wondering when he'd finally ask you.  He's had the ring for months," Remus told her.

            "Well, I'm happy you told me what you've been keeping from me."

            "I'm happy I told you too.  I feel so much better having to keep it from one less person, who's okay with it."  Remus smiled.

~

A/N:  It's really weird writing on this story some more because I'd nearly forgotten where I was going with it and am still fully trying to remember but I've accomplished some stuff I'd planned to get done in it so that's a big yay.  Hope you guys are enjoying it so far and I'm still super sorry it took me so long to finally update.  Please drop me some reviews and let me know what all of you think because I love reviews and I cherish all of my dear reviewers. I love you all.


	10. He's Gonna Win Someday

A/N:  Well, I'm back and finally with a last chapter.  I'm making myself finish any old fanfics I didn't ever complete and after reading OOTP I really had Remus/Sirius on my mind.  I think mainly because in OOTP there's a scentence that says something about the present Harry gets from Remus and Sirius, and the sentence really came off to me like they were being referred to as a couple.  It was sweet.  Anyways, no spoilers for OOTP if you were worried about that.

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Hard To Explain  
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Chapter 10  
He's Gonna Win Someday  
~

            The weeks of the school year rolled along.  Remus and Sirius were still as all over each other as ever and now Lily was always smiling a bit larger and clinging to James.  It had seemed that Severus had intentionally been avoiding them all, but none of them seemed to care.

            It was at night in the Gryffindor boys' dormitory.  Sirius had finally made up his mind.  He crept across the floor to Remus' bed and sat down on the edge of it.  He took a deep breath and then gently shook Remus awake.

            The young werewolf's eyes fluttered open sleepily.  "Sirius.  It's the middle of the night, what is it?"

            "I know," Sirius replied.

            "Know what?"

            "I know why I told Snape to come.  I was jealous.  You'd started spending time with him trying to be his friend.  I just don't like him.  He's a slimy Slytherin and a huge annoyance," Sirius said.

            "And thinking like that is why he has no friends to begin with.  The reason I even tried to be friends with him was because I felt ashamed of not ever doing anything about the things you and James have done to him,' Remus said.

            "I'm sorry Remie, I just didn't like the thought of you being friends with him.  I thought that if he knew about you that maybe he'd keep away from you.  I never dreamed you'd ever been attracted to him.  I never dreamed he'd have any feelings for you.  I'm sorry.  I made a mess," Sirius admitted.

            Remus put a hand on Sirius' cheek and looked his boyfriend in the eyes.  Remus leaned up and kissed Sirius.  Sirius was about to deepen the kiss when Remus broke it and smiled.  "Sirius, stop apologizing.  I forgave you already if you don't remember."

            Sirius smiled and kissed Remus.  "I promise I'll try not to get jealous if you want to have more friends, despite what house they're in."

            "Sirius, you know you're the one I love.  Promise me we'll always be together?"

            "As long as you so wish it," Sirius said.

            "Forever then, I promise.  I must say though that you'll probably outlive me."

            Remus chuckled.  "I don't think so.  You may be reckless, but you've got some form of common sense and excellent survival skills."

            "Well, it doesn't matter what happens.  We'll always be together.  I'm promising you that."  Sirius smiled and then launched into an all nighter snogging fest with Remus.

            The next morning when Remus went down the common room he had one of the most gleeful smiles on his face.  Lily who happened to be sitting on the couch in front of the fire noticed and rushed straight up to her friend.

            "Well, aren't you positively beaming this morning?" she asked.

            "Me?  Beaming?"

            "Okay, what happened?" 

            "He promised me.  He promised we'd be together forever.  It was really sweet.  And then of course we sort of didn't get much sleep from all the snogging that went on after the promise," Remus admitted with a  chuckle.

            "Awe, that's sooo sweet," Lily replied.

            Remus smiled on some more and since he'd closed his eyes while doing so he didn't realize Sirius had come down the stairs until he felt a pair of strong arms around him.

            "So what's the red head 'awe'ing about?" Sirius asked

            "I was just being excited for Remus, after he told me that you'd made a promise to him," Lily explained.

            "Yup, the two of us together forever," Sirius said.  He nuzzled his nose in Remus' cheek and then kissed him.

            Remus smiled even more, now blushing.  *I'm so happy.  And to think I'll get to be happy forever.  With my Sirius.*

~  
THE END  
~

A/N:  Okay I finally ended it.  I thought about this fic  and how I'd left it unfinished after I'd read OOTP.  Oh well, I'm thinking I'm might have a one chapter fic about a little post-order of the phoenix, but I haven't a clue when I'll actually get it done.  Thank you to all whom have read this fic and I'm sorry it's taken me so long to finish it, but I got busy and then wrote like two complete other fics whilst I was stuck on this one.


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